Staying in a hospital for 6 days truly changed my point of view. I always thought that i was going to hospital 4-5 time in my life :
First, When my mom gave birth to me (0).
Second, When I (2) climbed my mom’s closet and ended up with the mirror fell on me. I ended up with a couple stitches on my forehead that night.
Third, When I (3) climbed the window to disturb my cousin who was studying for some exam. It ended up with my two front tooth hanged on the window, and blood all over the place
Fourth, When I (29) give birth to my first child
Fifth, When I (31) give birth to my second child
The truth: my fourth time in hospital is because of peri-appendicitis.
I watched 10 season of Grey’s Anatomy through my laptop screen faithfully in the past 5 years. Often, I will tweet some quotes from this series that moved me or made me cry a bit. (I stopped at season 11th because I don’t see the point with Christina and Derek Gone). The point is, watching Grey’s does not make me feel convenient or familiar being hospitalized.
Working for Health Information System with client such as Hospitals and Polyclinic doesn’t make me comfy and cozy being hospitalized.
Stepped into A&E feeling weak, non-stop high fever and abdominal pain is not fun. Various feelings and thoughts start to raging from positive to negative, fear-worry-stay positive-stay joyful-sad-angry-dissapointed-stay hopeful-melancholic.
These are the things I’ve learned with my stays there:
Not taking for granted this gift “Being Healthy”. Problems at work, relationship, financial and family often leave us moaning and forget that we have been provided with these two precious gifts: our sins are forgiven and our health are restored through Jesus redemption for us. We can eat anything we want and it doesn’t hurt,
Not taking for granted this gift “Sleep well with style from turning, sideways, kicking, etc” In hospital bed, I rarely move because i’m afraid the infusion needle will shifted, and they have to make a new hole. The nurses and junior doctors were having difficulties in finding arteries at both of my arms, they almost plug it on my foot! Picture here. I can’t imagine if they really put it on my feet and I have to go toilet at night.
Everything become less important. Watching short movies from LDP, reality show such as Superman is back, newest MVs in Youtube used to entertain me. But those nights, i’m no longer entertained. Opening email, social media, etc to occupy myself is no longer important. I just want to talk to HIM, listen about HIM and read about HIM. HE is the source of strength when I was weak and hopeless. “Christ is Enough” lyrics suddenly become real:
Christ my all in all
The joy of my salvation
And this hope will never fail
Heaven is our home
Through every storm
My soul will sing
Jesus is here
To God be the glory
Not taking for granted the presence of my families and friends ever. I want to be discharged immediately from hospital, but I have no choice because I’m still under monitoring. My family and friends are those who pray with me and for me; they never stop sending me the strengthen words. I was surprised to have people coming to see me non-stop during visiting hours. I didn’t tell a lot of people about this to be honest, cause it was not a good news.
I am not as strong as I thought I was. My closest cousins, friends and Mon knows how disgusting i could be. I can eat food that have fell on the ground and not ended up with stomach pain. Other people may get food poisoning, but I don’t get it although we’re eating the exact same stuffs.
“It’s good that you can have some rests in the hospital. Work is very stressful.’ two of my friends said. I strongly disagree. If i’m resting in some resorts for holiday, it’s good. But I was fasting for four days here; my hair turned messy; it was painful when they tried to plug the infusion needles (10 times!); abdominal pain which moved from left to center to right in my stomach every single time and I saw sands on the fesses. Please cut me some slack if i’m sensitive..
Praying not benefited God but myself and others. Every night I prayed because my heart was sad and grieved when I saw someone lose their hair due the chemo, diseases eating their weight and soul and joy, someone relying on others all their lives. I need HIS supply of strength so I listened to these songs “No Longer Slaves”, “Ever Be”, “Good Good Father” and “You are My Hiding Place” till I fell a sleep, every single night.
I stayed at a 4-bedded room for 6 days.
The middle-age lady whose bed was beside me, was doing chemo. She has two good looking sons who take turns coming during visiting hours, her sister will sleep over at night to accompany her. She speaks Hokkien and spoke to my mom a lot.
The middle-age lady whose bed was opposite me, came for dialysis cause both her kidney stop functioning. She has to go for this dialysis all her life. She told us that it was because she ate salted fish every single day, all her life. Before she was discharge, she told me to be patient.
The other patient was an old lady. We’ve seen her family drama in the room, I’m not really sure what actually happened to her.
Why do i choose to turn on this 4 tracks every night? They have all the words that I needed when:
When i am afraid: I’m no longer slaves.
I’ve been born again Into your family Your blood flows through my veins….
You split the sea So I could walk right through it My fears were drowned in perfect love….
I’m no longer a slave to fear I am a child of God
When I am weak: Ever Be
Faithful You have been and faithful you will be You pledge yourself to me and it’s why I sing Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips..
You Father the orphan, Your kindness makes us whole, And you shoulder our weakness
And your strength becomes our own…
When I am sad: Good Good Father (My Anthem in 2015)
You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am
Cause you are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us
When I am down: You are my hiding place
You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
With songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You
I will trust in You
Let the weak say
I am strong
In the strength of the Lord